我这样做对吗？我打断了儿子的约会，让他去接他妹妹。

So here's the thing: I get Max's response. Our kid is 19. I was 16 once. I get it. I really do.

But the OP made arrangements that were supposed to work and then something dropped on his lap. Whether we like it or not, this happens. When it happens families ought to be a team. And in this case the team needed Max to go and get his sister.

Again, max is 16. Our kid has gone 8 hours without returning texts, but these were about simple things like "you coming home for dinner?" or what have you.. not "I'm stuck at work.. etc".

Anyway, NTA. Caught in a shit situation that could happen to any of us. Yeah.

FINAL THOUGHT:

The people who are like "oh she had to be asked math questions boo hoo"? Yeah, I failed/nearly failed every math class I've ever taken. Being quizzed on math by some random mom who then mocked my ability to answer the questions? I'm 53 now. I reckon that would drive me to drink and, theoretically, I have coping skills.

This is the third time, in a year and a half, you’ve had to ask him. He has the gall to act like you’re being irresponsible??? He left his 8 year old sister alone, when it may well have been getting dark and you, presumably, wouldn’t have been able to get there time. He left an 8 year old on her own, to leave the premises on her own, and go about a location she may not be too familiar with.

I’m the same age as your son, if I had a little sister or brother her age, I wouldn’t necessarily drive (as I don’t have a license yet) but I would march my way down to that school and walk with her back home. I get 6 months in a relationship can be exciting, but ffs, he couldn’t be arsed to lift a finger and tell his partner “hey my dad won’t be able to pick up my little sister from school, so I have to. I won’t be long, you can wait here or come with me” or even just, yknow, walk???

Maybe it’s teenager hormones but reading this made me fume. An unexpected incident doesn’t make you a bad parent, this isn’t your fault OP, you had no way of predicting something would happen, your kid’s just being cruel.

That being said, it might be a good idea to find someone (other than the woman who picked your daughter up in the end because, uh, asking your 8 year old maths questions and then reprimanding her for getting an answer wrong is something we call deeply damaging) who you trust would be able to pick up your daughter in lieu of yourself. Still, I want to reiterate; you’re not a bad parent OP, your son’s just being unjustly cruel.

I'm probably getting downvoted for this. And to be clear, NTA. You're not a failing father because of this situation and what your son said was really harsh. So I want to come back to that.

But also, I'd like to highlight/ask for info on a couple of things:

1) your son said "No," and then he turned off his phone. I'm not sure what about that response would indicate that he would go and pick up your daughter? So maybe you have some feelings that the school had to end up calling.

2) when the school did call - you resolved the problem right away. I hear you on that you don't want that woman interacting with your daughter and I respect that you didn't want to do that. But in the time between assuming your son would do the task, and finding someone - you could have been resolving it.

I see that you've said that you've only asked him to pick up your daughter a handful of times, but how often is he responsible for your daughter in other ways? I imagine as a kid, he doesn't have a lot of really special occasions where his time should be respected as well.

The whole scenario is unfortunate because it was a circumstantial powder keg.

I do think the punishment is a little harsh for the situation. But I also think the focus of this potential learning opportunity should be about how harsh his response was when he was hurt too.

If my daughters said that to me I would say: that's really unfair and that hurts my feelings and I think you're wrong. And then we would address the perspectives and try to come to an understanding or compromise on the tidal wave of emotions.

INFO: why couldn't you tell work that you'd complete the task but needed a break to pick your daughter up? That would've been a completely reasonable stance, and wouldn't be interrupting your son's plans that he was already busy with.

I understand your point. I do. But I also had to miss a big event in my teen social calendar because my parents ignored when I told them I had plans and they assigned me as their babysitter anyway; they also invited my brother's friend (their backup babysitter) with them, and told me if I wanted to go to the plans I'd made before they had, I had to find and pay for a babysitter for their kid. It's ten years later and I still remember that as completely unfair and unacceptable behaviour. Your son's six month anniversary means a lot to him right now, he had plans, your plans are the ones that changed, and it sounds like you didn't try to find any other solutions (even though they were clearly available - even if my suggestion above is for some reason not viable, in which case you have a truly terrible employer, you clearly could have a fellow parent pick her up, as that is what happened).

Sure, your son wasn't trying to help out. But you weren't trying to help him out either. To you it's just another workday, to him it's the biggest moment in his romantic life so far. You can use this as a teaching moment about how you'd like him to make sacrifices for the family, or you can use it to teach him that you can be the bigger person, see it from his side, and apologise and rescind what is arguably an over the top punishment for a situation that is ultimately your fault: your job, your plans falling through, your lack of other contingencies, your poor communication with confirming if he was actually picking her up, etc. How do you want him to remember this, and how do you want it to affect your relationship?

Posts like this makes me feel hopeless for us as a society, as a species. You'll get a lot of responses from people who haven't raised kids, many still are kids, and they haven't been taught responsibility and family. Asking your son to help on an unexpected situation is not, and should not be, a problem. Your son's response is entitled and gross, honestly. While being disappointed at the interruption would be fine, even appropriate, hanging up on you is disrespectful, and refusing to help is selfish and disgusting. Like societies, family only works when everyone contributes. Your son using YOUR car is a privilege, not a right, and it's up to you to extend that privilege to him... or not. The hanging up on you and the disrespectful way he spoke to you is all on its own enough reason to, at the very least, suspend that privilege. You do not have to tolerate disrespect, no matter how "upset" he was.

Also, financial woes do not indicate how good or bad someone is at parenting, something your son is going to be painfully aware of very soon. If you give him money for allowance or anything else, help him learn by suspending that privilege as well. This is a teachable moment. Let him see there are consequences for his choices.

Please, I implore you to ignore the ridiculous comments here that are characterizing asking for help as any other than that. You SHOULD be able to ask your family for help, including your nearly grown son. Do not listen to anyone who says otherwise. There's a difference between asking for help in an unexpected pinch and forcing him to be a regular unpaid babysitter. Do not listen to the bullshit.

You're NTA, and I hope like hell you stick to your guns about the car privileges being suspended. Hide behavior was selfish and disrespectful and he needs to experience consequences for that.

Also, inform your employer that you have responsibilities at home that take precedence, and you require advance notice of any extra hours required or you won't be available. They cannot expect you to scramble to find child care at the last possible moment.