现在的感情，是不是都变成了一种交易？ 所谓的“爱”，是不是只是交易的伪装？

Well, humans have been doing transactional relationships for thousands of years (e.g., arrange marriages). This is not a new modern concept or situation. What I can say is to spend your time looking for the right partner. Some people try for decades with no success. I have been with my wife for almost eight years so far (married for about five years).

Compromises have to be made in order to make any romantic relationship work (we still argue at times, but we make it work). I knew my wife since we were friends in high school (early 2010s). We only started dating after I got my bachelor's degree (until then, we were just close friends). I have never dated or kissed someone else (never had sex either) before being with my wife. She has never dated anyone else before or had sex with anyone else before, but technically my wife did kiss someone else before.

So, we did a lot of cute first time things with each other, and learn how to do it better over time. This is not the norm though. I never used any dating apps either. Trial and error is normal regarding dating the right person (same thing with making the right friends). I never been the type to just mess around with random people.

I have always focused on dating for the long-term. I would recommend going out of your way to befriend coworkers and making new friends through your hobbies (board games, traveling, hiking, gaming, anime conventions, etc.). Asking friends if they have single friends who are looking to date for the long run can be another option too. This will not be an easy process, but the journey can be worth it.

The reason why dating is “transactional” is because men seek out beauty and compete for it.

For example, both Sam and Jerry want Samantha, because she is fit, beautiful and has a huge chest. Sam is wealthy. Jerry is unemployed. Sam is willing to give Samantha nice experiences, and financial stability. Jerry can’t do any of that but he wants to sleep with her and have her as arm candy.

Both Sam and Jerry are ignoring Betty, the average looking woman. Betty doesn’t have enough options to demand anything (example: I want a guy to pay for the first date). Samantha can have those expectations because she has 10x the amount of options, and she attracts highly successful men.

Why should Samantha choose Jerry? Especially if Sam also is just as good looking as him and their personality is about the same.

Let’s say Samantha finds Jerry unattractive. She wouldn’t owe him anything more than she owes Sam. Especially because we can all agree he wouldn’t owe Betty anything- he doesn’t want to date her because he doesn’t find her physically attractive. But Samantha doesn’t find his lifestyle attractive.

If we can shame Samantha and force her into turning down Sam to date Jerry (even though it’s against her will), then with that logic would we also be able to force men into rejecting attractive women that want to be with them so we can make them date someone unattractive instead?

Again which man do you know would turn down his dream girl to date someone he deems undesirable?

If you want a woman that doesn’t find financial stability attractive then you need to go for those women. I’m sure there are women that prefer men that make less money.

Either both genders have agency, or they don’t.

Yes, they are. It's just a symptom of a much greater sickness plaguing human life on Earth, though.

Love was never meant to be transactional. Do not listen to the people here who try to normalize it. They've normalized it for themselves and now think they are in the right. For these people, there is no alternative anymore; that's how it is and always was to them. But it's not the way it's supposed to be.

Or maybe I should say "TRUE" love is not at all transactional; something that is very rare to find. It is purely an emotional, spiritual, physical bond between you and one really special other person whom you mesh with.

There's a reason the marriage vows read the way they do. It's because in its ideal expression, love is unconditional. It isn't supposed to matter how much money either of you has or how successful you are. It isn't supposed to matter how dumb or sick or weak the other is. It's about your devotion to this one other person transcending all that. Be strong when the other isn't. When the love is true and the effort is mutual, you continuously lift each other up and make each other better people than either of you could have ever been separately. This is the part that's especially rare and difficult to find.

You have to be a very evolved person to experience love in its highest and most ideal expression. You have to be able to see past all the earthly illusions, and forge a bond with someone who is in the same regard, and realize everything that happens here is a consequence of experiencing that love together. It's supposed to be a journey. Instead, people are ruled by ego and fear.

When humans finally evolve past all of this darkness that we've been dealing with for hundreds if not thousands of years, this way of approaching love will finally begin to become much more commonplace and make a lot more sense to many more people the world over.