我有点不舒服，我未婚妻要和她老板单独出去吃饭，我这样做是不是太小题大做了？

I read your update.
NTA
You called the entire thing. You were right.
You were worried he was luring her and another girl to a fake celebration with the intent of pushing himself on them and probably getting them drunk. You tried to save her from a shady situation that could have been dangerous.
She should have come home crying and apologizing. She was wrong.
Instead, she still calls you controlling.
It would be one thing if you were dropping her off. He was sending a car. Easy to get her drunk and back to his place.
Look at it this way. You're on vacation. You want to go for a walk outside the hotel at 2 am, and your partner knows the area, says the area is dangerous, and he tells you you can't go. There are rapes, muggings, car jackings. Is that controlling or protecting someone using common sense?
Unless she's just ashamed that she was wrong and taking it out on you, this makes no sense. Even if that's the case, she's clearly the asshole.
Let her end it. You deserve someone who understands the difference between controlling and legitimate concern. She was clueless. Had he gotten them drunk or slipped something in their drinks, she was at his mercy to get her home. She very well could have been raped. It's not controlling to try and save your girlfriend from potential rape.

YTA

I knew the bandwagon for Reddit would be "NTA" bc: the majority of Redditors are men and also they tend to lean towards "some actions are justifiable bc you were just trying to protect...".

This is bullshit (disclosure: I'm a married woman).

Suffice it to say: you don't get the right to tell another grown adult what they can and can't do and worse, you've insulted your fiancée's integrity and you're too dense to realize it.

Do you know how your message reads?

"You're only being invited to dinner bc your boss wants to fuck you and you're kidding yourself if you think the work you've put into your career matters or has anything to do with it."

You basically called her a moron whose only value to her boss is "obviously" getting fucked by him.

That is a shitty, utterly demeaning thing to say to her and it's no wonder she's pissed.

And you know what's worse? Even if things are a little sketchy, you've made it so shitty that she'll hesitate to tell you if anything seems off. (Good job!)

You suck and you are controlling and if you can't trust that she'll be able to handle herself then please get some counseling to sort it out before marrying (if she doesn't leave you first).

Edit: frankly, given how seamlessly this story played out I'm finding it difficult to believe it actually happened at all but--in the off-chance it is--my point still stands: you do not get a right to "forbid" other adults from doing things simply bc you don't like it.

NTA

I've read the whole thing including the updates.

Men have an awareness of when another man is sniffing around his partner, where women tend to be, frankly, quite stupid where this is concerned.

It smelled a mile off like something dodgy was going on and upon advising your partner not to follow through she fell back on women's usual deflecting tactic when they don't get to do whatever they want at all times without consequences, she called you controlling

Yawn

This woman is not on your team and you should seriously reconsider marrying her. At the very least if she stays at this firm she does not have her head in the game regards this marriage.

Tell her quite bluntly that the wedding is off and the relationship is over if she does not


Quit her job immediately.
Get the fucking chip off her shoulder. You were right and she was wrong and you did exactly what a partner should have done in this situation.
Leading onto the final requirement, she needs to drop the word "controlling" from her dictionary, and since she clearly lacks the situational awareness to know when a man is trying to fuck her (giving her the benefit of the doubt here) she needs to defer to your judgement when it comes to other men's intentions.


It's very clear she's not going to get ahead in this company without fucking the guy. That's what he's after and there are plenty of other women who'll oblige, and she'll either refuse and be overlooked or she'll fuck him to get ahead.

If my partner so much as flirted with her boss to get ahead I would show her the door. There is no way your fiancé is going to have any kind of opportunity there while drawing appropriate boundaries.

I wanted to chime in and say NTA. A majority of the people here are taking you saying she can't go as being controlling, but imo, it's not. Saying "can't" is much more different "won't". If you had said you wouldn't let her go, then you would be an asshole. If you had physically barred her from going through the door, you would be an asshole. If you had followed her to the restuarant, then possibly confronted her boss when it turned out you were right, you would be an asshole. But you didn't do any of that, other than expressing your opinion through the word "can't".

Even more so, people are expecting absolute perfection during moments of high tensions. That's a common trend with this subreddit, as if everyone has perfect composure during an argument. Granted, "can't" wasn't the best word to use, depending on your relationship, bit it definitely isn't in any way controlling.

I would say your fiance is TA in this situation, especially with her behaviour afterwards. I get that she's angry that she didn't analyze the situation correctly, but she had no right to take it out on you and incorrectly call you controlling. I think you need to both sit down and talk things out and that you personally need to evaluate your relationship. Not saying break off the engagement or end things, but this behaviour is a bit intense for a supposed grown woman.

I just think it's a bit weird, honestly, that she's in HR and didn't recognize these signs. How is she supposed to be a valuable member if she couldn't even see for herself that the situation was weird. She seems to be completely in denial and needs to report her boss or even find another job, because this situation is going to blow up, either with the second girl or the boss.

NTA hope you see this OP

There’s a lot of info missing on the relationship. Is this either of your first relationships? Have you had experience with this before? This makes a difference because if this is all you know, you wouldn’t be able to compare it with anything else. I only ask because you guys seem younger.

I don’t want to tell you what to do or push my opinions on you, but instead I’ll ask you a few questions you could answer on your own because you know her more than any of us.

As you pointed out if the roles were reversed, would she act the same way?

People are saying you need to trust her, but isn’t trust based on intelligent decision making? How can you trust someone who can’t even discern the difference between a company wide +1 party that turns into a 3 person party (1 straight male, 2 young females)?

On the flip side, if you can’t trust her, you need to ask yourself what’s the reason for this?

Why would she contemplate breaking up after the fact? What reason could she have for that? So every time something like this doesn’t go her way, breaking up is the first answer? Someone’s thought process when they are angry is very indicative of the type of person they are. One thing to think about something but can they control what they say?

If this were to happen again would the results really change?

If trust and communication aren’t there it’s gonna be hard. This situation proves it. Don’t listen to these other people. It’s easy for others to tell you what to do or shouldn’t do (These are the same people saying you can’t tell your fiancé what to do.......... , hypocritical isn’t it?) It’s your decision and life. This is more than an AITA post. This is your life and your future. You’ll need to think deeply about this and hopefully talk it out with her before any decisions are made. If you guys can be open and honest about the situation that would be the best way to talk about this.

Good luck.