Jesus Christ. This story got worse and worse, every damn word of it. It was VERY nice of you to go over the setup with the lady and diagnose it (they owe you some dental work!).
Question: with medical offices like this, is HIPAA kind of a honor system "We, govt, assume you're following HIPAA, because if you don't, you can be sued, fined heavily, and go out of business." or somehow somewhere required to be audited to be able to do business? This office really had a big "we're a flashing neon open target" setup.
Ben should send you a bottle of that good whisky from his office. Just cuz.