首页 / 法律问答 / 我因为未婚夫对婚前协议的要求而取消了婚约,我这样做错了吗?

我因为未婚夫对婚前协议的要求而取消了婚约,我这样做错了吗?

商业律师 3 回答
好吧,我(37岁,女)和他分手了。整个过程感觉像是一场痛苦的离婚,而不是走向婚姻。 我最近因为一个职业项目得到了一笔钱,这个项目后来变成了一家公司。我与一家公司达成了协议,他们通过对外授权和长期合资企业转售我的服务。 签合同时,我觉得我看到了建立财务未来的机会,但我的感情关系不会受到影响。现在看来并非如此,我非常反感,甚至到了想解除婚约的地步。 我们在一起四年了。我在为事业奋斗的最后阶段遇到了他,这个项目占据了我全部精力,除此之外,我只有时间陪伴家人。我有一些好朋友,但大家都忙。我没有约会或出去玩。 当肖恩(43岁,男)出现时,我被他迷住了,因为我没想到会遇到这么喜欢的人。我们有共同的幽默感,我开始在情感和身体上都被他吸引。 肖恩离过婚。他的办公技能一般,在一家小型政府机构工作。我们的薪资差距并不算大问题,因为我把很多钱都投入到了我的项目上,剩下的钱都用于我的优先事项上,这些都是不能妥协的。我照顾我的家人,支付账单。他有一些爱好,会花时间在上面,但当我遇到他时,他正处于待业状态,不得不等四个月才能开始在新的机构工作。我们当时都很缺钱。我很高兴他没有强迫我穿某种风格的衣服(我更喜欢平底鞋和舒适的衣服),因为之前的男友总是要求我打扮得很时髦,说一些打击我自信心的话。我知道他(很短时间内)领过食品券,觉得那只是暂时的困境。我们之间有很大的相互接纳。 我们尝试合伙开一家小型咨询公司,但没有成功。我发现他还没有准备好共同管理,经过长时间的讨论,我们一致决定放弃。 我们谈论结婚已经有一段时间了,当他求婚时,婚前协议的话题并不令人意外,因为我们已经同意要签一份。即使我一无所有,我也认为这是一种保护我们彼此免受潜在情况影响的方式。我在一个专门处理防损的利基市场工作,我见过人们卷入诉讼。 我们起草了一份计划,但有一些紧张时刻。他在律师事务所变得沉默寡言,在我们的第二次会议上制造了紧张的气氛。我们之前商定好的事情都没有得到执行,他不断地提出要求,提高标准。他自己找了律师,这本来没什么,但他从未告诉我,他的律师突然出现,而我甚至不知道他已经聘请了律师。在他因为我拒绝将我现有公司的股份分给他的女儿而在我律师事务所外对我大发雷霆后,我们不得不暂停婚前协议。这对我来说是绝对不能接受的,我宁愿不结婚。我建立这家公司是为了给我的孩子们留下点什么。因为他们的父亲很不负责任,我是唯一照顾他们的人。肖恩在我开始创业时根本不在我的生活中。我也不会像他要求的那样,为他的孩子设立信托基金。这些要求之前从未讨论过,而是在他的律师出现后才提出的。 我确实同意在经济上帮助他的女儿,给她零花钱,并帮助她支付汽车费用。我还同意支付全部的医疗保险,并资助她的大学住宿和教育。她的母亲很成功,所以我的逻辑是,她已经有了一个愿意让她有一个良好开端的人,因为肖恩在经济上无能为力。他的女儿已经成年(18岁),而我的孩子们还在上小学,我需要确保他们得到照顾,而她已经到了可以工作的年龄。我提出资助她购买第一套房子的基金,但似乎我提供的任何东西都不够好。 我爱他的孩子,但我没有养育她,她永远不会把我当成她的母亲,我尊重这一点。她的母亲的家人拥有一家企业,她的母亲在一个非常好的地区拥有自己的房子。她并不依赖我才能过上好日子。我希望一切都公平,因为她的母亲、肖恩和我都可以做出贡献。所以肖恩和我吵了一架,因为他发给我一份关于我未来几年从我的生意中应该赚多少钱的详细分析。我发火了,因为我觉得这像是一个圈套。 我质问他关于我的孩子,问他会为他们做些什么。他沉默不语,所以我说我希望他的孩子在他们名下拥有一块土地的契约,这块土地他拥有但因为没有资金而无法开发。他很惊讶,指责我试图稀释他女儿的继承权,并且总体上不公平,因为她拥有的比我的孩子最终拥有的要少。 我只是想让他理解我的观点,但我把事情弄得更糟了。我们以前可以在婚前协议之外进行交流,但现在,如果我听不懂他的讽刺,他那种冷漠的行为快要把我逼疯了。他说他对我的贪婪感到惊讶,并指责我把他的孩子当外人看待。我正在弄清楚我是否表现得像一个坏继母。而且,我不排除帮助我们所有的孩子创业的可能性,如果他们想这样做的话,但我不能保证它会成功,因为我们还没到那一步。 取消订婚听起来是最明智的决定,我感到震惊,这竟然真的发生了。我不知道该如何应对。他最后发来的信息非常伤人,他说我露出了真面目,并对我在他的女儿面前的虚伪表示“感谢”。我最好的朋友很生气,威胁说如果他继续这样下去,就要公开羞辱他。我很困惑,因为我没想到我们的关系会这样结束。我错了吗?
回答次数 (3)
晚莲花
# 3
NTA.

First off,  I'm sorry you're having to experience this, at least from an emotional standpoint. It can't be easy, but to be honest your stance towards the prenuptial sounded reasonable and, if anything, overly generous to his kiddo (imho).

Anyhow, It sounds like he's showing his true colors, and it's fortunate they were on display prior to marrying him. If he helped you build the business venture, it'd be one thing...but he didn't. Now he's throwing a tantrum because he wants a one-way contract that only benefits his own kid?! Oof.

Marriage, at least on the legal side of things, is a contract. Would you entertain a lopsided contract related to your business? Why would (or should) it be different in your private life, when you and your children's financial wellbeing is being negotiated?
L
Larry
# 2
It isn't you showing your true colours -- it's him. You have been very up front and very honest about your financial goals and intentions. You have also been very generous in your offers for his grown child who has two parents.

I have an RESP for my kid and a good life insurance policy that will take care of her in the event of something going wrong. In the event of a second marriage, I would expect a prenuptial agreement that would protect those things for my daughter. If it is an issue, then that is not the guy for me.

His daughter has a mom: a successful one who is capable of providing for her future the way you are for your children. He IS the one with the lack of things to offer his daughter: You are not there to make up for his lack of assets. Perhaps reassessing this relationship is VERY necessary.
B
Brittany
# 1
Without knowing the details of the negotiations and the pre-nup itself, it is hard to really comment meaningfully or take sides. Maybe you were a total B about it, or maybe just so business focused it made him uncomfortable. Or perhaps he is trying to get more from you than he deserves.

Mind you the 2 main things couples argue about are sex and money. Money should be simple.

In the US most states have mutual property laws, which means that all money and assets belong to both people. That means pre-nups are important, and are supported by the courts. In many other countries the process is far more complicated. In the UK, your partner, on being divorced, should be allowed to maintain the lifestyle they enjoyed at your expense, while in Australia financial resources are split up based on how much each person contributed, individual needs, and so on.

Anyway,


You have no financial responsibility to his daughter, even in a relationship, and should the relationship end, and you have given her shares, you may not even be allowed to contact her, but she still owns part of your company
You have already been pressured to financially contribute to his daughter, which maybe you shouldn't do, and it should be his responsibility, while you would be better off with one offs, like phones, holidays etc
Pre-nups should be simple


Everything you own before the relationship is yours, everything they own before the relationship is there's
Anything you do with your business is yours, and their own income or business is there's
There is no responsibility for children or family of the other person unless adoption occurs (which you might choose to do later)
Caveats include


Contributions to a business or work should be factored in, such as you working 12 hours a day 7 days a week on your business, while he helps you without pay, means he is owed something, or even if he maintains the home, cooks meals, while you work, then he is owed something
It changes if you and he have children together




But basically, if you can't settle the financials, then there will always be resentment. Doesn't even matter whose fault it is.
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