我（40岁，男）没法原谅我老婆（39岁，女）了，现在和她待在一个房间里我都觉得难受。

About a year ago, I was running errands on a Sunday while my wife was asleep and the kids were playing. She woke up around 11:30 and called, annoyed that I wasn't home. I told her I was at Home Depot or the diner next door, only 30 minutes away. She demanded I come home immediately, upset that I wasn't there when she woke up. I'd been up since 6:30, taking care of errands, exercising, and getting the kids settled before leaving around 10:00 AM. I'm usually the primary caregiver because my schedule is flexible, and I make twice as much as my wife, who works part-time. It took me an hour to get home, and she started yelling at me, calling me worthless and threatening to take the kids and leave if I didn't want to be around the family. Ever since, I've felt like I'm living with an assassin, knowing how family courts can be. I feel like I'm a target, and she's just waiting for the right moment. I've told her multiple times how much her words and threats that day affected me. I even went to therapy and discussed it. But my wife, friends, and parents all tell me to get over it and that I'm being too sensitive. They say she apologized, so why isn't that enough? My therapist even asked me why her apology wasn't enough. It's been a year, and I still can't shake it. Everyone's acting like everything's fine. We even took a family vacation in February. I was there, but I feel like I can't openly talk to my wife anymore because the battle lines have been drawn. Am I the jerk for holding onto my wife's statements a year later and being unable to forgive her? I'm pretending everything's fine, but I took a second job in the evenings after the kids get home and finish their homework to avoid interacting with her. She just thinks I'm busy. **Additional Information:** * Our kids are 7 and 9 years old. They basically have their own floor with a bedroom, bathroom, and playroom. My office is next to their bedroom. * I have cameras throughout the house, except in our bedroom. There's a phone system so the kids can easily reach us. * My wife has worked part-time since the kids were born. I provide most of the childcare because I can control my hours. I wake up early (5:30 or 6 AM) and go to bed late (11:30 PM or midnight). I have multiple jobs and run a family business. My income is more like 4 or 5 times hers when you include everything. * When the kids were younger, I often took them with me for business. Now they come with me to my second job most evenings. Last spring I started leaving them at home for short periods in the morning, but honestly, it was more like Fall 2022. * My wife usually sleeps in until 10 AM-noon on non-work days, regardless of the day of the week. She goes to bed between 11 PM and 3 AM. * I considered talking to a lawyer, but two business associates said I was overreacting. Older friends have also told me to move on. I have a lot to consider before calling a lawyer. One buddy hung up on me when I asked, but later offered to drive me to a lawyer if I still wanted to go. We live in a well-connected suburb. * She's threatened to leave me before in our almost 20 years together, but it always felt like she was just acting out. This time, she included the children, and that crossed a line. She hasn't made a threat like that since, and I think she knows she messed up. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to get ambushed. * I checked online divorce lawyer calculators for alimony and child support, and it looks like I'd lose big. We have a post-nuptial agreement created by a lawyer. * I even considered renting a studio from a friend just to have somewhere else to sleep while I figure things out. Everyone's telling me to suck it up or pay up for my freedom. * In August, my therapist asked if I still wanted to be married. I didn't know. I did some calculations on what a divorce would cost, and the number is so high that I don't know if it's worth it. He said he was in a similar position years ago, and still got divorced and had to pay. He suggested waiting until the youngest turns 18 and planning my exit about 8 years prior. * I don't hate my wife. After she threatened to take the children, I felt she crossed a line, and I don't know what she's truly capable of. I would never threaten her like that. It hurt that she was willing to go there. I've told her and my therapist this. She's apologized, but it still bothers me. I'm not considering divorce right now, but there's an issue, and I don't know how it will play out long-term. I hope things get better. Today, I feel like things could explode if she chooses, so I'm keeping my distance. **How I manage to work so much:** * I work in Data Analytics, doing Enterprise System Implementations, specifically around Data Migration. It's a flexible corporate job. * The family business can be run with a cellphone and laptop 24/7/365. * I officiate various sports (high school, youth, and adult leagues). A high school varsity basketball game pays $125, JV pays $85. Lacrosse is similar. Flag Football is $50. This is why my kids can come with me. A weekend soccer tournament might pay $45/game, doing 3 in 4 hours. It's all cash. I get exercise and relieve stress. Easy money. My kids can play with other kids or on their Chromebooks at the park, gym, or school. **Regarding being the primary caretaker:** It's interesting that because I say I'm the primary caretaker, I have to provide a detailed accounting of my interactions with my kids. Apparently, taking them to the playground isn't parenting unless I'm actively engaged with them. Or being at home watching them while my wife is at the store and they play outside or play video games isn't parenting. Driving them to and from practice, or taking them to the library to read isn't parenting. It seems like the only thing that counts as parenting is when I'm interacting with them with set-aside time. Making breakfast and getting them ready for school barely counts because it's only an hour. And picking them up from school and doing homework doesn't count because that's only an hour. It's funny how there are so many qualifiers now that I'm saying I'm the one doing it.