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我前夫真是自己作死,本来能过上好日子的。

商业律师 4 回答
Okay, so I don't usually hang out on Reddit, but I listen to r/slash at work, and I wanted to share my story. My ex-husband was a MESS. It wasn't his health problems that bothered me, but the fact that he refused to take care of himself! Especially when his issues kept me from getting any sleep. I was working insane hours at a terrible security company. I was the only field supervisor in my area, so on top of my regular 40 hours, I was constantly called in for emergencies. During COVID, I was working 80-100 hours a week! The money was great, but I was miserable. Meanwhile, my husband was working part-time, getting SSI, and blowing all his money on video games and junk food (against his doctor's orders). I was paying for everything – rent, car, insurance, phones, you name it. This went on for three years and just kept getting worse. Despite all the money I was spending on him, I managed to pay off my car and save enough to buy a house. It wasn't fancy, but it was a two-story with a basement, a nice yard, a creek, and awesome neighbors who were always inviting us over for drinks and pool. During the move, I was still working crazy hours, so I couldn't help much. But I paid for the moving truck and dinner for anyone who helped us pack. I asked my husband to make sure everything got packed up. He only packed his stuff, then the furniture, and ignored everything that didn't fit. He was late returning the truck, and I had to call about the late fee. So, most of my stuff, my roommate's stuff, and my brother's stuff didn't fit in the truck. My brother had to make trips after work to bring stuff over. I asked my ex to do the same, and he agreed. THREE WEEKS LATER, I finally had a day off. I worked a 12-hour shift and planned to pack a few boxes and take them to the house. I walked in and saw that my ex hadn't done a single thing! He lied to me for three weeks! I completely lost it. My legs gave out, and I just started sobbing on the stairs. My roommate and best friend walked in right after me and found me there. He held me while I cried and promised to take a few days off to get everything packed. He told me to go home and sleep, but I decided to pack a few boxes since my husband was useless. He helped me pack, and I drove to the new house. I didn't even bother unloading; I just collapsed on my bed and cried myself to sleep. Hours later, I woke up and went out to my car to start unloading. My best friend was already there, unloading his car with a tired smile. He'd been going all day! Meanwhile, my husband was in the basement, doing who knows what, and breaking his promise. We eventually got everything moved, but I had to extend the lease by a week, all because of my husband's laziness. I was furious. Once we were finally moved in, I sat him down and told him how angry I was about his lies and how he'd caused all this trouble. He started accusing me of all sorts of things in return, like how I wouldn't "passionately hug" him because of his medical issues. That's when I snapped. I yelled at him that I don't "passionately hug" ANYONE, not even myself, because I'm working two jobs to support his lazy butt and his lifestyle! He wastes his money on junk food and video games, and he doesn't lift a finger to help around the house! He makes my life harder. I'm still cleaning up after him! So, no, I don't want to passionately hug him if he's not going to earn it. He gave me the silent treatment for two weeks. He wouldn't text, talk, answer calls, or even look at me. And he was still living off my money! Finally, I messaged him asking why he was treating me this way, but he ignored me. I asked more questions, still nothing. Finally, I told him that if he hated me so much, he should just divorce me. The next day, he said he wanted a divorce. I asked him why. You won't believe his answer... "You don't do enough for me." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I lost it again. I told him that I do EVERYTHING for him! I pay for EVERYTHING so he can live this cushy life! I give him a roof over his head, food, money in his bank account (I was even giving him extra money when he asked!), and I was taking days off to spend time with him! I was doing EVERYTHING for HIM, and this is how he repays me! I got right in his face and told him that since he wanted the divorce, he had to file, and if he even suggested I sell my house, I would destroy him. I'd hire an expensive lawyer, drag him through the longest court battle of his life, and take every penny he would ever earn, plus court costs. Then I kicked him out. He moved out and said he was moving in with his family a few cities away and asked me to file. I filed in my county because it was closer. He FREAKED OUT! He wanted me to file online and pay an extra $270 out of MY pocket (since he expected me to pay for it all!), and I said no. A few days later, I got a weird text from him that didn't sound like him. I argued with him, and then he confessed: it was his GIRLFRIEND. He'd lied AGAIN and moved to New York from Georgia. She went crazy on me via text, calling me abusive. Long story short, we argued, and I told her I wouldn't talk to her again. I was filing in my county because I'd already started, and I wasn't changing my mind because he lied. If he hadn't lied, I might have filed online, but definitely not now. Months went by, and finally, the court date arrived. She drove him to Georgia, and they were 15 minutes late. I was 15 minutes early, and the clerk asked if I could contact him, so I went outside. I saw her pull up. I told him she wasn't allowed inside because of COVID, but honestly, I just hated her. He nodded, and we went inside. We spoke to the clerk and started the paperwork. I know a little about the law, so I knew what questions to ask. I also know how lazy he is. He HATES doing anything he doesn't have to. So, I reminded him in front of the clerk that he still had stuff at my house, and I wanted it gone. The clerk told him that anything he left on my property after a certain date would legally belong to me, and there would be no way to get it back without my permission. He asked if he could work something out with me, and I told him no, he'd have to follow the legal guidelines, and anything left behind would be forfeited. Now, while we were together, his mom (who was an angel despite her son turning out the way he did) passed away. I LOVED that woman. I wanted something of hers to remember her. He had inherited her dining room rug, which wasn't worth much, but it was a lovely antique. I knew he couldn't afford to ship it or rent a moving truck, and it wouldn't fit in his girlfriend's tiny car. So, while he was crying and loading up his mother's belongings, all of which he had left behind when he left, I told him I was keeping the rug. I said it flatly and without emotion. He tried to argue, but I pointed out the obvious, and he conceded. He knew I was right. That rug is one of my favorite things. I've started renovating our basement, and it's now in a guest room with my bookshelves, armoire, king-size bed, and a 55-gallon fish tank. And even better, I married my best friend, and we've been together for almost four years. On our fifth anniversary, we're having a real ceremony since we just had a simple one with two witnesses the first time. And for more petty revenge, I still have my ex's childhood art binder (which he cherishes), and I'm keeping it until he pays me back the $400 he owes me for the new tires I put on his car just weeks before he decided he wanted a divorce. It's been over four years now. I'm probably never giving it back! I send him annual reminders.
回答次数 (4)
B
BrightSpark
# 4
MH therapist here.......

My precious wife lived with an abusive prick with similar qualities. She set boundaries just like you did. I admire your courage as it's not easy. I actually specialize in helping people with boundaries in the relationship dimension and I love it.

I named her ex TURD FERGUSON. It has become a favorite pass time to FUCK with him anytime he enters into our space. After a year or so he learned, plus my wife sets strong boundaries.

I'm not sure I would call what you have done "petty". I think it's courageous, brave, and reasonable.

Congratulations on meeting a nice normal person. You are an inspiration for others. If anyone else out there has this problem, strong boundaries are the way. Read, watch, or listen to media based on this topic and you can do it.

Best wishes 😊
H
HappyFish2
# 3
I read stories like this and I get instilled with a deep, foreboding sense of horror that I could very easily become that guy if I don't remember to push myself. I WAS that dude at one point, but at a time where I had few responsibilities so didn't fuck up anything close to as sacred as a marriage. But I was miserable and unfulfilled and I will never, ever go back to that place. It's vile.

I empathise with this enormous piece of shit, but I sincerely doubt he'll change. Most don't because they lack the strength of character to fall apart properly, so they can rebuild themselves. You keep yourself going with shitty day-to-day hedonism, however you can find it. His girlfriend likely wasn't much better, as similar value people tend to attract over long periods.

Good on you for knowing your worth. Fuck that dude
R
Rodriguez
# 2
Sounds like about half a dozen GFs I had while I was paying all the bills, providing a vehicle, etc while they were cheating and doing nothing.

No job, but told me to get a housekeeper to keep the home clean... I did, right after I threw her worthless ass out.

I have two former fiancé, they have both, plus a few GFs that fell by the wayside contact me now that marrages have failed, their kids scooted along and won't have much to do with them, etc. And ask if there is still a chance?

Not NO, but HELL NO!

First I was rhe super fit military guy that was 'Too Clean Cut', then I was the military guy that 'Didn't have potential', then I was rhe disabled military veteran she "Didn't want to mother a disabled child"...

2019/2020 one of my higher profile businesses sold to a conglomerate and I made a dump truck full of money... And the calls/contact started all over again when it hit the news...

Answer is still, "HELL NO! You are an 'Ex' for very good reasons!"
F
FrozenHeart2
# 1
My ex husband was a lot like this though, thankfully, he did have work ethic and maintained a job (credit where credit is due, even if he was an emotionally abusive tool). But that’s about all he did. He also had a myriad of health issue that he “treated” by doing the bare minimum. He’d occasionally attend therapy, but mostly just want a miracle pill or cure. So, all our money went into finding that “miracle”. He subjected himself to ECT instead of therapy.

Turns out…. He’s borderline and DBT is the only thing that’s long term effective. Which is an intensive…. Therapy.

During this time, I’m killing myself to work and care for him never knowing if today was the day I’d be coming home to a dead body.

Then he decided he wanted a divorce because I was the reason he was sick (even though he’d had issues since 8 years old, but okay).

Much like you, OOP, I told him he had to file. That for once in his damn life he was going to take accountability for his bullshit instead of blaming it on “but I’m siiiiiiiiiick”. That when people asked what happened he’d be forced to say that it was HIS decision that it was what HE wanted, that it is what HE asked for. The to was done being the blame for everything wrong in his life.

God bless his mom, because I’m pretty sure she put the fear of god in him to man up for once.
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