首页 / 法律问答 / 天啊,我真不敢相信我终于等到这一天了!但我得承认,当他终于拿出戒指的时候,我忍不住翻了个白眼。毕竟,我可是求了他整整25年啊!你们说我这样做是不是有点过分了?

天啊,我真不敢相信我终于等到这一天了!但我得承认,当他终于拿出戒指的时候,我忍不住翻了个白眼。毕竟,我可是求了他整整25年啊!你们说我这样做是不是有点过分了?

商业律师 4 回答
生活巨变,感觉糟透了。上个月发的帖子后,我的生活发生了翻天覆地的变化。之前我不是说了嘛,我追着他求婚25年,30年的男友终于求婚了,但我当时翻了个白眼,嫌他动作太慢,而且那时候他也不再是高管了。结果,他直接撤回了求婚。 我真的希望这次能告诉你们一些好消息。 我现在的状态很差,但还是抱着希望。希望来自周围人的善意——我的孩子们,雇主,法院,甚至包括我孩子们的爸爸。也希望我曾经无私地给予孩子爸爸的爱能有所回报。我从小就被教育,即使那些不珍惜你爱的人,最终也会醒悟,并回报你。 事情是这样的:自从孩子们的爸爸指责我想把他变成情感上的囚犯后,我就想证明我重视他的自由。我给了他空间,让他看到我没有他也能好好生活。 谈话之后我就开始这么做了。但他却很生气。自从那次谈话后,他就开始对我吹毛求疵,对我做家务的速度、我的花销(都在他给的零花钱范围内)各种挑刺,还把我的零花钱削减到几乎为零。吵架的时候还让我把戒指还给他。 我认真听取了大家的建议,特别是有人说如果他逼你走,就不要离开家。可就在我们谈论完订婚没几天,他就找茬跟我吵架,说我无视他。他说他想让我滚出去。我说不,我理应住在这里。结果,他直接让律师给我发了通知,让我当天就搬走。事情发生得太快,我当时都懵了。 孩子们也不知道该怎么办,有的觉得“爸爸只是吓唬你”,有的劝我“还是走吧”。现在他已经向法院提起诉讼,要赶我走了。我试着找法律援助,但接待员态度很冷漠,暗示说我作为母亲和伴侣的身份并不能保护我免于被驱逐。 我试着投简历找办公室的工作。朋友们劝我对自己好一点,说即使被拒绝,也会有更好的机会在等着我。孩子们建议我去申请SNAP(食品券),但我很羞愧,还没去申请。他们说如果我和“爸爸”不住在一起了,政府会帮我追讨抚养费。 孩子们说他们不敢惹“爸爸”不高兴。我大儿子告诉我,有家加油站招夜班员工。他说等他毕业后会帮我。我本来想,有个工作就该知足了,结果面试之后还是被拒绝了,我感觉我面试的时候表现得还不错啊。这让我很受打击。但我还是抱着希望,因为每天都有新的远程和非远程工作发布,还说会培训合适的求职者。 我几乎把所有公司都投了一遍。希望其中一家能给我个机会,给我个面试的机会,让我好好表现。让他们看到我是一个努力奋斗的人。我知道我的男友想让我求他。但我不知道那样做是否能让他撤诉。我真的不知道该怎么办了。 我现在就躲在房子的角落里,努力保持正常,像上班一样地投简历。不知道该说什么了,这次就更新到这里吧。我会保持希望和尊严的。
回答次数 (4)
M
MorningComes
# 4
Ive been following this story, and I’m somewhat empathetic, because this situations sucks, but as I’ve said on the last post, you’ve allowed 25-30 years go by, with no degree, and no work history, and given a man several children who won’t marry you.

You even stated in the last post, that YOU KNEW he was leading you on, and giving you false hope of marriage, yet you still had several kids by him.

You need to suck it up, and apply for SNAPS. It doesn’t matter how embarrassing it is. It’s important that you can actually feed yourself.

That life style that your EX boyfriend was funding, is over.

You literally have nothing, and you need to start somewhere, before you can build yourself up.

Also, why are you still calling him your boyfriend?

How many more ways does he have to tell you that he doesn’t want you, that he doesn’t respect you, that he doesn’t value you, and that he doesn’t care about you?

Over 30 he’s showed you who he was, yet you still won’t believe it.

Your kids are literally in college, and will be graduating soon, while mom hasn’t done anything, but get played.

I’m sorry I sound harsh, but you need to get real, and face reality.

You need to create a foundation for yourself.

You’re over 50, and have stupidly and blindly given your life and your all, to someone who won’t even piss on you, if you were on fire.

Build a foundation for yourself. It doesn’t matter where you start, or how embarrassing things may be. What’s important is that you’re able to make a new life for yourself, and you need to love yourself more than what you have the past 25 years
O
OrichalcumSword2
# 3
Lady, you're delusional. Your ex-boyfriend is in the process of removing you, forcibly and legally, from your home. You have no money, no job, no job prospects, no friends, no security, no equity, no support. You have no marketable skills. You need a realistic plan for when you're removed from your home, which will be in a few months tops. Where will you live? What will you live off? Whom will you live with?

You are extremely vulnerable and ignoring that fact is not going to fix it for you. You need to figure out how you're going to eat. How you're going to bathe. How you're going to sustain your life.

You're doing a disservice to yourself by allowing yourself to continue to believe that somehow, somewhere, some hiring manager will peer deep into your soul and say "Ah-ha!! A diamond in the rough!!" and snatch you up and put you in a cushy office job with a reasonable schedule and benefits.

You need a plan. A lawyer, and a plan. Because the path you're on right now ends with the police escorting you out of your ex's house and dumping you somewhere for you to look after yourself.

There are many excellent suggestions on this thread about where to apply for jobs, for shelter, for food stamps. You need to realize that you're not some genteel lady with an army of loyal maidservants who will shield you from the harshness of the world in your sad decline. Not even your own children are willing to do that for you.

Do you want to live?? Do you want to survive and, possibly, thrive?? You need to humble yourself and realize you're the lowest rung in the ladder. Give yourself that attitude adjustment you so desperately need. Check your entitlement and snobbishness. Make a realistic plan, cause otherwise you're not gonna make it. The world is a rough place, especially for women, especially for older women, especially for older uneducated women, especially for older uneducated women with no job history and no marketable skills. You need to realize this. Oh and lawyer up.
S
SharpHawk
# 2
Man I feel so bad for OP but like EVERY single time there was a decision point she chose poorly.
1. Always wanted a marriage? Guy Proposes. She Scoffs. JUST WOW! I totally understood her side of the story until she said "I was even thinking about leaving him" okay! You got what you wanted!
2. She's gets served 30 day notice. Doesn't comply. Served with an Eviction. Do you know how HARD its going to be to even find a 1 room studio apartment with an eviction on the record?

You know that joke "Those are new poor, they don't know how to live, we are old poor" from Its Always Sunny TV Show?

Its not OP's fault because she has been enjoying the trappings of 30+ years, but this is going to be such a reality check when the courts put an eviction on her record, and then every shitty apartment complex turns down her application.
And more: Her responses denigrating trade work, low skill jobs, her "hope" that someone will see she's a hardworker....thats like EVERYONE. It only takes a couple years as a teenager working in a (I'm going to sound old now) in a mall kiosk or as a waiter or a store clerk or in a warehouse to realize the cold hard truth.
I've literally worked all those jobs mentioned and REALLY worked my ass off to realize it didn't amount to squat. I'm still a hardworker because of the values instilled in me but I in no way think that's going to get me ahead.

Theory: This lady was extremely hot when young and never worked a day in her life because she was catered to. So she had a very high self image of herself. Married some cold hearted bastard and because of their rich lifestyle she couldn't possibly view herself cleaning toilets or ringing up items or serving food or moving boxes in a warehouse. Even when proposed to she thought "Not good enough" and even now she thinks "someone rich is going to marry me, and some manager is going to see my inherent greatness and going to give me a great job" This is worse than an average Boomer mentality because at least most worked.

My heart breaks for this lady but I think she's been ensconced in a wealthy bubble so long she just assumes everything will work out. It will be a really hard landing to realize she needs a TOTAL ATTITUDE readjustment. And yeah goddamn that eviction on her record is just another self made black eye. Hopefully one of her kids can take her in, she can reset her expectations to be happy with $15.00/hr and who knows, maybe her eyes will open to how most of us live

And before the downvotes if some super hot guy did the same thing and then after 30 years scoffed at the proposal with no marketable skills, stay at home dad, that made EVERY wrong decision that OP made I would assume the same thing. Pretty people are treated better. Those that dont work figure its easier than it is. Combine the two and you have an inflated selfworth, think you are above the "norm." I'm so sorry for OP but maybe she will come out of this struggle as a much better person
N
NeoCrusader2
# 1
i'm sorry if this is gonna sound harsh but a lot of people in the comments are not keeping it real with you and you seem very delusional about the situation you put yourself into.

you spent 25 years of your life as someone's "girlfriend" and now you will realize why marriage is not just a piece of paper. you can sit at his home all you want but in the end it's his house and his house only, whether you leave or not. you are not entitled to his home, his money, his assets. the thing about court is that it doesn't care about your efforts, your kindness and the time you spent on a guy who is not your husband.

you are also 51 with no work experience. i'm going to be extremely honest with you, no one wants to hire an old person with no experience. my mother spent nearly a year looking for any kind of job after me and my sibling were old enough to take care of ourselves. the ageism she faced opened our eyes and honestly we thought she wouldn't get a job. she did but she started with minimum wage with an extremely hard job but she had no choice. she rose above her situation because my mother is an extremely realistic person who is also a perfectionist so she showed her managers that she wasn't there to play and she earned their respect. an that didn't happen overnight. i have never seen someone work as hard as my mother did and that was something everybody noticed, she put her everything into her job. it was extremely hard for her even though she had my dad, who was ready to take care of everything financially. you have no one and do not count your kids as they say they can't upset daddy. you are saying someone was cold when they told you your status won't protect you. well get ready for the brutality of workplace. you need to realize that you are not gonna start from the bottom, you are gonna start from the bottom of the bottom. honestly poverty is breathing down your neck so i'm not sure why you think applying for SNAP is shameful. you lived 25 years of your life spending someone's money without making any plans for your future... i mean, i don't want to be rude but what were you thinking when you rolled your eyes at him? you enabled this dude for years. and yeah first 5 years you said you wanted to marry blah blah blah. the bottom line is it doesn't matter what you said. what matters is your actions. so you don't get to roll your eyes at him for the thing you allowed him to do. honestly if i were you i'd marry him right on that spot and divorce him a few years later but he seems like a very smart man that has very little emotions for you so even if you were to be married, he would have a backup plan so that you wouldn't get his money.

also in one of the comments you say you see women around your age marry. i'd assume you'd want to marry someone who can provide the life your ex did and in order for you to find that person, you also need to be that person. you have no savings, no enough money, no experience, no nothing. where do you think you are gonna find someone like that? people usually marry someone who's in their league, meaning who has similar backgrounds financially. i have never seen a woman around your age with little to no money marry someone rich. on the top of that you have 4 kids. yes older women do get marry but they marry to their equals. also in one of your comments you said you are hoping for him to realize that he can't find someone like you. he doesn't care about you ma'am. men usually don't put the person they are in love with in this situation. he was never in love with you, he just loved the fact that you were willing to tolerate his BS. what he wants is to have sex as he told you and he's a rich dude who wants to travel. i wonder if he already found a young woman and that's why he is dumping you. even if there's no woman now i assure you there will be. he is not looking at this emotionally and it was never about your love, the way you cared for him, or anything like that. it was the fact that you were willingly stay with him without securing your future for 25 years.

you are talking about kindness, people seeing your potential, marrying rich etc but you need to open your eyes and be honest about your situation. people are not gonna see your potential, you are gonna show it. you are gonna prove them that you have a potential. and you don't seem to realize how hard that's going to be. good luck.

edit apparently op has no degree and she thinks she has nothing in common with "tradespeople". you traded sex in exchange for money for 25 years. you have no experience of life and no experience of working. you have no education. of course you have nothing in common with hard working, disciplined people. honestly i do not feel bad for op anymore.
北美法律通