我因为对我男友的求婚翻了个白眼，就被说成混蛋了？我都求了25年了，他才求婚！

Okay, here's the story, cleaned up and told from the woman's perspective: I'm a 52-year-old woman whose 30-year boyfriend, finally, *finally* proposed. After 25 years of me asking. You can imagine how thrilled I was—I rolled my eyes. He's 53, and he proposed after dinner, saying he's retired now and wants to enjoy life *with me*, as his wife. The thing is, for decades, I'd made it clear I wanted to get married, and he just dismissed me. I felt like I was getting gaslit. We even went to therapy, but it didn't change anything. We have four kids. Raising them in our fancy Southern town was rough. I had to deal with the snide remarks from the PTA moms about not having the same last name as my kids. And the kids themselves were tormented by their classmates, who told them that their dad would rather sin than marry me. His mom was no help, telling him marriage was just a piece of paper and that it would be selfish on my part. For years, he climbed the corporate ladder, and I was a stay-at-home mom, so there was always this power imbalance. I stayed because I wanted my kids to have the best life, and because I was proud to be with a successful man, and honestly, because I loved him. But recently, his career tanked. He's not going to be poor, but he's not at the top anymore, and he left his job with a severance. He wants to relax and live off his investments. Honestly, I wasn't happy with how his career ended or how he treated people, and I'd been considering leaving him once our youngest turned 18. So, the proposal was a shock. Especially since I thought he'd noticed I've been avoiding conversations about the future. He's been talking about downsizing and traveling, but we're not married, so it's all *his* money and *his* house. He noticed the eye roll and was offended. He asked what was wrong, and I told him that now that he's downsizing, *now* I'm good enough to marry. He got angry and accused *me* of being disrespectful because he's no longer an executive, and then he implied I was a gold digger. I walked out, telling him I might just go find a respectful relationship because I obviously don't know what respect is anymore. **Update:** We hadn't spoken since that fight. I knew better than to sleep in the bedroom, so I went to the guest room. The next morning, I told him how dismissed I'd felt over the years, and that I wished he'd treat me like I was valued, instead of acting like he could always find someone prettier, better, and just as loving around the corner. I apologized for the eye roll, but said that if he wanted to get married, I wanted a quick timeline and for him to actually be happy about marrying me. He finally asked if it was about the money and security. He said that being an executive's girlfriend required things of me, but if I wanted to work, I could have. He said I wasn't grateful enough for the position his career put me in. He also said he wasn't mad about the eye roll and that he wasn't going to be emotionally blackmailed. He said the ring was mine to do what I wanted with, and that he would provide for our daughter, of course. He doesn't want to get married anymore, but he's still planning on traveling and said I could come with him. But that traveling was non-negotiable and I would have to get a remote job if I wanted to work. I asked him if he would support me getting an associate's degree, but it would have to be in person, not remote. He told me that if I wasn't traveling with him, he wasn't going to go without sex for those periods of time. I was shocked by his callousness. We fought again, and I told him that we're both getting older, that I've supported him through health issues, and that he's wrong if he thinks he can just find someone else who will be as loyal as I've been. I'm looking for a way out. I'm tempted to just say I'll travel with him and try to get a remote job, but I'm so resentful that he still needs to have all the power. I don't know what my value truly is, but I have to believe there's something better out there. **Second Update:** It's been over a month, and my life has completely changed. And not for the better. I'm really not doing well, but I still have hope. I have hope in my kids, employers, the courts, even my kids' dad. I have hope in the love that I have given my kids' dad so freely because I was raised to believe even those who don't appreciate the love I've given them will eventually self-actualize and pay it back. Ever since I tried to show him I valued his freedom and gave him his space, he's been angry. He started picking fights over everything, from how fast I do housework to my spending (which was within the allowance he gave me), and then he cut off my allowance almost entirely. He even asked for the ring back during an argument. I took the advice from the comments on my previous posts and refused to leave the house. Just a few days after our conversation about the engagement, he accused me of ignoring him and demanded that I leave. I said no, that I deserved to be there. He responded by having a lawyer send me a notice to vacate that day. It happened so fast, I was too shocked to react. My kids were torn between thinking he was bluffing and telling me to just leave. But now he's filed for eviction. It's up to the courts now. I tried to find legal aid, but the person I spoke to was cold and implied that my status as a mom and partner wouldn't protect me from eviction. I've been applying for office jobs, but my friends tell me to be kind to myself. My adult kids suggested I apply for SNAP (food stamps), but I haven't out of shame. They said that if I do and we no longer live together, the government will help me collect child support. My grown kids said they can't risk upsetting their dad. My oldest told me a gas station was hiring for the night shift and that he'd try to help once he graduated. Just when I decided to be grateful for the job, they rejected me after an interview where I felt I spoke well. That hurt. But I keep having hope because every day there are new remote and non-remote jobs posted, saying they'll train the right candidate. I'm applying to every corporation, hoping that one of them will take a chance on me, give me an interview that I'll ace, and see me for someone pulling herself up. I know he wants me to beg, but I don't know if that would make him drop the suit. I just don't know anymore. I'm in my corner of the house, trying to keep things normal and applying for jobs like it's a job. I don't know what else to say but that ends my update for now. I maintain hope and dignity. **Relevant Comments (and her responses):** * **Commenter:** Have you talked to a lawyer about common law marriage? * **OOP:** The woman at legal aid said there's no hope because it's Arkansas. And because around the time my second child was born, my boyfriend made me affirm in writing that, despite living together, we are not married, are not holding ourselves to be married, and I shouldn't expect him to give me any support (besides support for minor children) if we break up. Unless, of course, we did end up marrying and registering a marriage, which he promised to consider at that time. He did this when he expected to take a job in a common law state (but that didn't end up happening). * **Commenter:** Amazon warehouse work, they "literally hire anyone." * **OOP:** I just think for me to be committed as something I need to be passionate about it and it would likely be in a marketing field. At this time I just don't think it would be a good fit for my needs and where I want to go from here. I have applied to around 100 marketing jobs for big corporations and small ones as well as remote. Ideally I'd like a remote position since I work better when I am comfortable in my setting. * **OOP:** My skills of competency are mostly around marketing and maybe something like investor relations, which my boyfriend's sister was in for around 8 years before she got married and changed to another role.I love creating beautiful imaging and speaking to people, even if they are strangers ( I know it doesn't come off that way because I've been through a lot emotionally lately).I don't think I would be a personality fit around tradespeople. We would likely have nothing in common ever and they run the gamut in terms of background that made them choose trades over an office job that climbs the corporate ladder. * **Commenter:** Temp suggestions * **OOP:** Thanks for the suggestion. I have been up and applying for more jobs again, but was hoping to have a job where I wouldn't necessarily have to be in person because I still have a 15 year old at home. She turns 16 soon, and her dad promised her a car, but he's known to retract or delay gifts so I don't know. I am also concerned because a lot of parents who send their kids to daycares are often the ones who go to work sick, and then their kids are also sick and are sent to daycares.I don't have the best immune system and have suffered from health issues and sensitivities as of late, so I do not want to get something and worse to pass it on to my daughter. * **OOP:** His former colleagues sent him a letter (unsigned) saying how they were glad the board of directors pushed him out. He wants to leave the country soon to travel. I don't think he cares. Some of the women in my group have heard my story and either said they support me but cannot do so employment wise or reputation wise, or gave me coupons for blowouts and botox and then after I continued to show how desperate I was for help, they have been planning events without me.