我让我老公感觉“没面子”，我做得过分吗？（我33岁，女；老公31岁，男）

I’m honestly sick of reading posts and comments about another man falling down the red pill rabbit hole, all because they don’t want to parent. We need to stop shielding men from these types of responsibilities growing up, because they are clearly having a tough adjustment period when they do have kids and the home responsibilities increase.

We now have some men who rather than benefit from the financial support women can now provide, would rather destroy their marriage & financial security for their child(ren), just to avoid picking up the extra responsibilities they’ve created. All whilst having no issues with their female partner contributing financially prior to children. No chance would I give up my financial security when the “traditional” housewife dynamic fails so often.

Many men and women see right through it. Gender roles make no sense and we’ve heard first hand enough horror stories of the old, and might I add, man-made “traditional” housewife role. It was never fair and this dynamic clearly wouldn’t work in any survival scenario. It’s so unattractive to have a partner who refuses to participate in life responsibilities, it’s by far the biggest bedroom killer from my own experience.

There are plenty of men out there who see the benefit of our modern day flexible world, we just need to try our best to avoid procreating with those who want to regress women’s rights. We’re one species, not 2, so let’s start acting like it.

Regarding red flags, up until recently, Derek was an ideal husband. I don't know when he changed.


If I had to guess, I'd say it probably started after the first baby. Derek doesn't like changing diapers, cleaning up drool and spitup, waking up in the middle of the night, etc, so he doesn't, like so many crappy parents. Normally, a shitty parent like that would justify their lack of help with the baby by referencing their job, how much harder it is so they need their sleep and are tired after work, and how much more money they make. But, Derek doesn't make more money and his job is not more difficult than OOP's - he's just not pulling his weight. He knows that, but doesn't want to change his behavior, so he ends up looking for some way to bolster his sense of self-worth.

This is where the red-pill content comes in. Not only does it tell him he doesn't need to do anything to have worth as a person, he is inherently valuable just by virtue of being a man, but it also places the blame for him feeling badly not on his own fully conscious choice to not help with his child as much as he should, but on OOP for making him feel that way. She's stealing his traditional place as provider by daring to have her own job and make more money than him. He's not supposed to be on baby duty, that's women's work! He's supposed to work and bring in the money and she's supposed to stay home and do baby and household things.

Since it tells him everything he wants to hear, it's going to be super difficult for Derek to let the red pill shit go. I hope his therapist is very good or this marriage's future is looking pretty bleak.

Two nights ago, he brought up the topic again. He also talked about traditional gender roles and how our daughters would benefit from a stay-at-home mother.



Hrmm... That rhetoric is sounding a little sus.



Those of you who commented that Derek might have been influenced by red-pill ideology, you were spot on.



Yep. There it is. Glad to know my radar's working in that regard.



Last night he had a talk with his parents. This afternoon, my FIL called me to check on me and give me a heads-up on what they discussed. FIL recognized some talking points from manosphere videos and asked Derek directly what kind of content he had been consuming lately.



Props to FIL for being a solid dude - Not only calling out the BS his son had been spewing, but also warning OOP about the source.

That being said, it sounds like the ideas have wormed their way into OOP's husband's brain, and he's not just going to "see the light" and realize the error of his recent ways. He'll interpret this through the lens of "This is just what Chudster88 said would happen! They all just don't respect my role as the man of this relationship! They're all too poisoned by wokeness!"

Maybe, maybe, with enough time and actually listening to actually good advice, and therapy to address any underlying issues he might have going on, Derek/OOP's husband might not be a completely lost cause. But the realization and desire to change/fix things has to come from within himself.

He's already resenting that she didn't immediately agree to his "brilliant" ideas.

He's already resenting that she didn't just knuckle under and go along with his attempt at intimacy, despite her being upset at the changes he was suggesting.

He's already resenting that his own parents - Who, by the sounds of things are rather traditional/conservative-leaning - Also reject the notions he's been picking up lately as backwards and/or absurd.

He's likely to reject all the attempts to reach him on the terms of people outside the bubble he's found himself in. He's at a point where it sounds like he has fully bought into the notion that the mainstream opinion is out-of-step with how things "ought to be", which means that he'll consider attempts to pull him in that direction as inherently hostile. Unless he truly does make a clean break (full-on cold-turkey) from that manosphere/red pill content, he's going to double-down on this bullshit, and make it his hill to die on. If the universe has any sense of justice (and OOP herself maintains the level of self-advocacy and skepticism she's demonstrated so far), then she'll leave him to die on his stupid, stupid hill, while she and their kids will go on to live better lives without his regressive ideas of "a woman's place" looming over them.

I am indeed also concerned that she's perhaps a little too quick to let him off the hook at this current moment. But hopefully she won't be nearly as lenient if/when he starts spouting this bullshit again, or sabotaging any attempt to pull him back to reality.