我前女友，之前为了当年薪60万的大律师甩了我，还觉得我当护士配不上她。结果我们复合后我才知道，她现在只是个时薪22美元的法律分析师。

I dated a law student. Hit it off super well, had good times during the summer... dumped me when school got serious again. But I’ll never truly know why she dumped me for reals. Anyways, it’s all an excuse to avoid commitment. I’ve dated resident doctors that broke up because they were gonna be “too busy”. It was BS. She later told me she had dated another dude right after.

Truth is there are plenty law and med students that date seriously, even having met while in school. I’m studying engineering and shit is real fucking hard. I wake up, go to my desk and am there until night time. I met a fantastic woman, and despite being extremely busy, I committed to giving her some of my time. Maybe engineering ain’t as time consuming, but the point is, you like someone, you find a way to make it work. If they say they don’t want to date because they’ll be too busy, they just aren’t THAT into you.

I think your girlfriend, when she first broke it off, was looking out for herself, and there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first. BUT if she really dated other guys after you, and her excuses were actual BS, you got to take that into consideration. You wouldn’t have done that to her, but she did to you. Now, as guys, we let women get away with a lot... on the daily, but you set your boundaries and if you feel she trespassed, you make a call.

Honestly, she is only with you because her plans didn’t work out. If someone with more money and a “better career” come along...she would go with him.

The fact that she broke up with you and then was with someone else. She didn’t care enough about you to make it work with you. You should not have taken her back because you were never one of her priorities. As a woman who has a lot going on I care enough about my partner to make time for him regardless of the circumstances.

Also, just because she posts pictures doesn’t mean she earned her degree. I know of people who attended graduation and then once final grades came in they didn’t pass a class and needed to come back. Even though on social media it looks like they graduated.

If you want to stay with her fine. But don’t marry her. You shouldn’t have to pay her debt when she can’t be honest about basic finances with you. The crying is a way to manipulate you to drop the subject and not bring it up again. Imagine mixing finances and anytime you want to talk money she cries. That will get annoying and ridiculous so fast. And you’re going to feel the financial stress of two people because she won’t want to deal with it.

I think you deserve better. Why be someone’s second choice when you can be someone’s first and only option that values you for you. Nursing is hard and your partner should appreciate and value your effort not make you feel like you are not good enough.

Look, I'm going to level with you. As a woman her theatrics and breakdowns when you attempt to discuss her debt makes my blood boil. Also questioning if you'll love her unconditionally in order to manipulate you and the direction of the conversation is so gross. When did she graduate? How much of her debt has she cleared? How much is left? What the hell is her actual game plan and budget to get this paid off? To me, it doesn't sound like she's made one. Shes already made herself the victim of an "unfair system," and i think you've seen a lot of comments making some very good points about her honestly in relation to her degree and bar exams. I get debt is scary, but sticking your head in the sand and refusing to discuss it with someone who could share that burden in the future is unacceptable.

This is not someone you want to tie your finances to. This is not someone who's a dependable partner, this is someone who will bring you down because they refuse to save their own sinking ship.

I think you need to trust your intuition here. You should have never got back together with this woman. You clearly still resent her for leaving you with lies and attempting to date "up," and rightfully so. I think you're finally picking up on the disparities in this relationship and how unbalanced it's been from the beginning, i think you're building confidence in yourself that you let her tear down when she left you to be a bigshot lawyer. At the time when you took her back, you just weren't there yet. Now you are.

From the language you've used in your post, i think youve mentally checked out of this relationship. I don't think you should force yourself back in. Be with someone who lifts you up and is a good, dependable partner. You deserve that.

She showed you who she is and you're not listening.

I'm sure she will go on to be a good person once her expectations are better aligned with reality. That might be in 4-7 years time when she is scrambling to find a mate to have kids while she is still able to.

I feel like if you stay with her you will hold back that development because you she won't move past scapegoating you for her "failure". I put quotation marks because it's only her perception. She is a university grad with a job with some upward mobility (she might be making 30-45 an hour in 5-10 years).

People mocking male nurses is one of the things SJW's should attack next. It's SO FUCKED up. I saw a scene on a dating reality show recently where a guy was mocked for being a nurse (Why didn't you become a doctor?). We have this thing in society where we shit all over the people who set and attain realistic goals as if everyone has to be a 1%'er doctor or a lawyer. It's not possible. I wish we recognized that 90% of our health care comes from nurses and not doctors....The sports analogy would be to give a coach all the credit for what the players did.

It's that 1% fantasy that so many have that has made her unhappy chasing an unattainable dream. In order to become a lawyer like that (I have dealt with many), it's not about a top 14 school. It's about having the personality of a pitbull with social grace of a ballerina. You need to be the attack to climb 16+ hours a day every day from the time you enter university until about 45-50 years old when managing partners start retiring or dying. It's pathological. The road to success is to ally with the rich and powerful. Every client that you can bill 6 digits annually is a feather in your cap and in order to bag them it's both your skill and how much they like you. Only once you herd enough of these do you move up in that world.

Anyway, I am digressing big time. I don't think you should stay. I think you are her backup and if a lawyer making 200 K+ hits on her your whole world might get blown up. If you envision having a family 28 YO is a critical time to start a relationship that will lead you there. It might take 2 years of dating to find the person and then a few years after that. And there might be hiccups along the way.

The fact that she left you once is clear cut that she's not all in. When you're all in, leaving your partner is psychological torment and physical pain and people do ANYTHING to avoid that. She put you on pause like a STEAM game that she could return to later.