首页 / 法律问答 / 我因为婆婆打了我的儿子而对我的丈夫和婆婆大发雷霆，我这样做对吗？

我因为婆婆打了我的儿子而对我的丈夫和婆婆大发雷霆，我这样做对吗？

商业律师 4 回答

Okay, here's the story as told by the original poster, removing the Reddit framing and re-writing it in a more natural tone: "So, my mother-in-law, Maria, came to visit from South America. My husband, Juan, invited her so she could meet our 3-year-old son. Everything was fine at first, but one day I left our son with her while Juan and I ran out to get groceries. When we got back, he was crying and ran to me. I asked Maria what happened, and she said she'd hit him with a spoon because he was misbehaving. She even seemed proud of it! I was furious. She tried to justify it, saying kids need to be hit sometimes or they'll become delinquents, and that she hit all her kids with spoons or sandals and they turned out fine. I told her to get out and stay in a hotel because she wasn't going to be near my son again. We argued, and she started insulting me in Spanish. It took me three hours to get her out of the house. Then I argued with Juan because he hadn't said a word the whole time. He admitted he didn't like it but defended her actions saying his children turned out fine. I told him corporal punishment is never okay. He got angry and said it was a cultural thing and that I was suggesting an entire culture of millions of people had been brought up wrong and that I was racist. We argued most of the night. I didn't let Maria see our son again. Juan slept at a friend's house. My friends are saying it's just culture shock, but Juan is still really angry with me. **(Update Four Months Later)** Things got worse. Juan confessed that he'd also hit our son when I wasn't home, because he believes it's the only way to discipline a child and that gentle parenting doesn't work. We fought constantly. He kept insisting that this way of parenting is the reason why Latin Americans are more resilient than people in northern countries. I asked for a divorce. He became so verbally abusive that we only communicate through lawyers now. I have evidence of him confessing to hitting our son, and he's confirmed it in his testimonies but says "it's not that serious." It's been so stressful, and I'm not doing well. I'm selling some things to pay bills. We're both fighting for full custody, and he's claiming that I'm an unfit mother for not teaching our son "discipline." To be clear, he wasn't beating our son in a way that could put his life in danger, but for example, wrapping a spoon in clothes so when it hits, still hurts but leaves no marks on the skin. He described this to me as a way to make me see that "is not that serious" but is still unacceptable. We had talked about how to raise our child, but I always thought that not hitting them ever was obvious."

#家暴 #离婚 #虐待儿童 #监护权 #律师

回答次数 (4)

Stephen2

# 4

Speaking as someone who was hit as a child for misbehaving, it took until adulthood to realise why I always get an overwhelming sense of dread whenever I do something wrong or make a mistake at work. I literally cannot stop apologising and I cry. As I've grown up (24) I've realised this was how I used to respond before getting hit. I've also realised it's why I get so unnecessarily angry and want to hit things and people when I'm upset/angry, it's learnt behaviour. I've been trying to unlearn this behaviour, for me as I do not want kids. Honestly, I was very well behaved but not because that's the right thing to do, I was well behaved out of fear of repercussions for my actions. I am a people pleaser through and through which again, is not surprising and have diagnosed social anxiety (I don't know if that's related but I do struggle with self-esteem and confidence issues). IMO corporal punishment doesn't shape healthy kids into healthy adults, it's been years since I've been hit but it doesn't matter, it still impacts me to this day.

剑

剑来

# 3

I think that’s a conversation you should be having before you have kids. To assume that the person your with won’t hit the child isn’t ok no assumptions should ever be made. I was raised by a single mom and yes she did give us a smack if we were in the wrong. It wasn’t the first thing she did first was a look that said you were pushing it. Then there was the tone that basically said you were begging for it. If you were stupid enough to push her past the look and the tone well then you really were asking to be smacked. It was one smack on the ass and yeah it was enough to correct you. I’m not claiming abuse or crying to a therapist over it. It didn’t happen all the time I think in my entire life it happened less than a handful of times but with my brother maybe more but he did have it coming. Sometimes it does correct the situation sometimes not but that’s a conversation parents have to have. But it’s never ok to hit a child with objects. There is a difference between discipline and abuse if you don’t know the difference don’t have kids.

GreenForest2

# 2

As the child of a poor Black mother with way too many kids, I got my fair share of a**whoppins. Was it right? Maybe. But this is how she was raised and did not see anything wrong with giving one of her kids a hearty swack on the butt.

HOWEVER, did my grandmother smack me? Hells no! My grandma just barely made allowances for my mother giving us whoppin's because we were her 'babies'. But my grandma figured out her own way of discipling us. With one stern, firm look my grandma could immediately make us cease any and all bad behavior.

My point is, if the child is not physically your own, you can not and should not use corporal punishment on them.

Furthermore, that husband was point blank WRONG and OP deserves a man that will stand up for his wife and family, yes, even against his 'sainted' mother. His mother was wrong for daring to smack someone else's child. If the child was doing something wrong, she's old enough and raised enough children to have figured out other ways to achieved the desired result.

This is the 21st century! Both the husband and grandmother should have long since received informational brochures and DVD welcoming them into the 21st century.

Parker2

# 1

Literally 50+ years of research has demonstrated that at best corporal punishment is useless as a method of discipline, and at worst traumatizes children while teaches them that it’s okay to hit people smaller and more vulnerable than them if others do something they don’t like.

Differentiating between corporal punishment and physical abuse is pointless to me because the results are similar. This riles people up but whatever: If you think hitting kids is okay, your feelings quite frankly don’t matter on the subject. Even cursory reading or googling “is spanking bad for kids” is going to overwhelmingly show that yes, in fact, spanking is quite bad for kids. If somebody doesn’t accept that or thinks child abuse is cultural (jfc imagine between that excited to hit kids that you need to hide behind your culture to justify it), it’s out of ignorance and denial.

Also, hitting an infant or toddler is extra, extra fucked up. Hitting babies does literally nothing but harm them emotionally and physically.1 How tf is this something people need to be told? ”Well my parents hit me and I turned out fine!” Not if you think hitting babies and kids is okay, you didn’t!

I was hit as a kid. It started off with basic spanking and grew to the point of holding my left wrist down on the coffee burner, smashing my face against the bathroom mirror until it broke, literally breaking one of those 90s batons filled with water and glitter on the back of my legs, slamming my right hand with the car door on purpose. It taught me to be afraid and distrustful of men, that men would physically hurt me if I did anything they didn’t want me to. It taught me that I deserved to be hurt by men and should expect it. It made my first few romantic relationships psychological minefields. And that was after spending my entire teens in therapy.

Don’t fucking hit kids, people.

1 I used to have a friend who was a pediatric nurse who left her job after realizing that her understanding of AHT (shaken baby syndrome) was wrong. She had a half-dozenish cases over 8 years where it occurred because of spanking infants or toddlers who so aggressively it literally scrambled their brains and either killed them pr left them permanently neurologically disabled.

EDIT: so many typos