我今天真的崩溃了,感觉整个世界都塌了。
商业律师
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Okay, so I'm kind of rambling, but I need to get this off my chest. If anyone understands, I'd really appreciate your thoughts.
Today, it hit me: the Corporation of the Presiding Bishopric isn't the perfect, holy organization I thought it was. I know, it's old news for most, but it's a shock to me right now.
Here's a little background: I grew up in Salt Lake, a classic Mormon kid with pioneer roots. My parents were amazing – loving, supportive, and deeply involved in the church. My dad was a bishop, then a stake president, and finally a patriarch. He's the best man I know. I watched him closely and never saw a flaw. He was tolerant and family-oriented. He supported my interests, from heavy metal to D&D. He made time for us, whether it was baseball practice or just being there. My mom was the same. Our home was filled with love. I was an Eagle Scout, seminary president, and a zone leader on my mission. I loved the church. I even went to Israel and Egypt with BYU, which strengthened my testimony of Jesus and Joseph Smith. I was sure it was all true.
But then, as I got older, I realized the "one true church" thing is ridiculous. The idea that my god is right and everyone else is wrong? No way. Truth belongs to everyone. I explored Buddhism, paganism, and even atheism. I found truth in all of them, even in Mormon doctrine. I realized it's all myth.
Even though I knew the church wasn't completely true, I stayed active because I loved it and it was ingrained in me. It was a vehicle for devotion. At this point, my dad was head of real estate for the church. He worked with General Authorities (GAs) and even met with President Hinkley regularly. They were friends. I even got to know some GAs myself. I golfed with them, played tennis with Jeffrey Holland (who told me to call him Jeff), and even played with my hero, Neal A. Maxwell. I respected him so much. I truly believed these men were great. My dad trusted them, and I trust his judgment with everything. I knew the church wasn't true in the way traditional Mormons believe, but I thought these leaders were good people, not corrupt.
That's how I felt for years, even after hearing things that made me question the GAs. I still wanted to believe they were good.
But then...
I learned about their unethical financial dealings with shell companies. I researched it, and it's true. They were dishonest. I read their official statement after being fined by the SEC. It wasn't what I expected. They didn't deny it or proclaim their innocence. They basically said they trusted their lawyers and the company managers and paid the fine. That's it. They knew they were wrong and did it anyway, for money. I'm literally crying right now. I looked up to them my whole life. I saw corruption everywhere else, but never with them. I defended them. They were my friends! I feel so betrayed. I'm sure there are other unsavory things they've done. I'm 51, but I feel like a kid who just found out Santa Claus isn't real. I'm really shaken. I'll be okay, but I'm just appalled. Is there nothing pure and good in this world? Why? I'd be grateful if anyone could help me process this. Thanks for listening.