: 我知道我老公出轨了我最好的朋友。如果我离开他,他会拿走我一半的财产。
Okay, here's the story, cleaned up and told like I'm the woman in the situation:
I'm 40, a mom to a 5-year-old girl, and I've been married for 12 years. My business is my baby, started about 10 years ago. I used to love my life.
Then, two years ago, my mom died of breast cancer. It was so fast, just five weeks, and she was only 55. I was a mess. Around the same time, my best friend's husband cheated on her and left her. She moved in with us after my mom passed because I couldn't function and she had nowhere to go.
I went on antidepressants that killed my sex drive, which I felt guilty about with my husband, but I was trying to get healthy. My best friend lived with us for a year, and towards the end of that year, they started sleeping together. I found out when I came home early and overheard them. I was in shock. I ran. I came back later like nothing happened.
I managed to get her a place near her job. She was grateful, and I was relieved to get her out of my house – my safe place.
The affair is still happening. If I leave, he'll take half of everything, ruining me and my business. It's not fair that he's the one cheating, but I'd be the one paying. So, I'm letting it happen.
I've written him off as a companion and a safety net. I still have my daughter, my family, my home, and my business. Most of the time, I'm content, somehow. Maybe it's numbness, resignation, or maybe it's real happiness.
But sometimes, especially at night, the panic is overwhelming. He wakes me up because I'm crying in my sleep. He asks if I'm having a nightmare and tries to comfort me. I wish I could tell him that my nightmares are my escape from this reality, and he's not my safe place.
He rarely asks why I'm crying, assuming it's about my mom. But sometimes, I think he knows or suspects something. He looks away when I look at him, like he's scared, and says he misses me.
The panic has gotten worse lately because he's started paying attention to me again. After my mom died, he left me alone, and then he had her. But now? I don't know what he wants. Are they still together? Is he testing me?
I don't understand their relationship. I've seen their texts. There's no love, respect, or warmth. Just anger, fighting, resentment, guilt, and self-hatred. They call themselves disgusting. Is that some kind of love?
I'm writing this because I don't know what else to do. I've been reading similar stories online. Maybe writing my own will help. I know I'm pathetic, but I used to have more dignity.
**Update:**
I talked to a lawyer right after I found out about the affair. None of the options give me full control of my life and company. A postnuptial agreement? He'd never sign it. I could confess and hope he'd sign one to save the marriage, but that feels wrong. My family could buy into the business, but that's still not ideal.
I'm dreading seeing his real face when I ask for a divorce. If he did this while pretending to love me, how will he act when he doesn't have to pretend anymore? And I don't want my daughter to see us at our worst.
**Later Update:**
Okay, so I've taken steps to protect myself and my daughter when I divorce him, which is inevitable. I told my dad everything. He was horrified but relieved to know what's been going on. He's going to buy into my business in case we need to divide assets.
I also agreed to marriage counseling. He talked about my mom's death and how it's affected me, saying I'm "building walls" and "being distant." He wants me to "come back to him." I wonder what he'd say if I told him I knew about the affair.
I talked about my mom's illness and my fear of passing it on to my daughter. Since counseling, we've been talking more, and I told him that my business is a stressor, that I worry about what would happen to my career if he left me.
The next day, he suggested a postnuptial agreement to make me feel more secure, saying he wants me to be with him because I want to, not because I have to. I don't care about the house anymore. I hate it, actually.
So, next step is separation. I'm aiming for the end of the year. The hardest part will be telling my daughter that mommy and daddy won't be living together anymore.
My ex-best friend and I had a "falling out" because I "don't talk to her anymore" and I've "changed." She said I'm going to lose everyone who loves me if I stay this way. Maybe that's her excuse for betraying me. Because I "changed" and pushed her away.
And yes, they're still having the affair. He still gets texts from her at night. Nothing's changed.
Both the husband and the best friend are scum, but honestly, something about this scenario is making me hate the best friend more. I don't go in for "the other woman is the worst!" bs, but this 'friend' of hers got cheated on and left homeless, and OOP took her in and helped her out, and so the 'friend' has an affair with OOP's husband??? And has the gall to say that OOP has changed and pulled away?!? Yeah, wonder why! There is a special place in hell for that kind of tomfoolery.